Celebrity Crush

Naomi and Bee were at my apartment to have a girl’s night and watch Against the Wall when he showed up. Unfortunately I was too busy trying to get the right cheese consistency in the microwave when he knocked, so Naomi answered the door. She started saying her stereotypically lengthy ‘hello,’ but only made it through ‘hell-’ before faltering and finishing with a confused ‘oh.’ I chuckled, but didn’t move towards the door to see who it was because I cared way more about my cheese dip.

At least, until I heard the words, “Uh, hi.” Then I froze and my rotating bowl of artificial cheese was quickly forgotten. Because I knew this voice - I had loved this voice. And for once, it wasn’t coming from my TV. “Does Ellie live here?”

Yup, I definitely lived here. But how he had found me, I had no idea. Just like I had no idea how to move my feet towards the door. I just stood there, staring at the giant wooden barrier, knowing a man I used to love stood on the other side.

“Um, Ellie,” Naomi started, enunciating the nickname she had never used for me, “Casey Butor is here for you.” Then she leaned forward to disappear behind the door and fake whispered so that everyone could hear, “Did she win some sort of sweepstakes? Or is this a dream?” A pause and I imagined her pinching herself or something to wake up. “Nope, not a dream.” When he laughed at her, I walked towards the sound, as though his voice had become a siren pulling me to my death.

Naomi stepped out of the way and I took her place in my doorway where he stood, waiting for me. “Hi Casey,” I somehow managed to say.

“Ellie.” I smiled as he said my name, but I could feel Naomi and Bee’s glares at my back. After all, I had never told them that I dated Casey Butor, the same actor in the movie we were about to watch.

“What a, um,” I looked away from him to the floor, hoping for some inspiration. What do you say to an ex-boyfriend who randomly shows up three years later? “What a, um, surprise.”

A short silence and then a sharp pain on my arm. I would have a few finger-shaped bruises there later. “Ow,” I exclaimed gripping where it stung and scowled at Naomi.

“Casey,” I continued looking back at him. “You’ve just met Naomi. And this,” I turned looking for my other friend, “is Bee.”

Casey held out his hand and both Naomi and Bee practically attacked him shaking it, but he didn’t appear to notice. “Hi ladies. Sorry if I’m interrupting.”

Interrupting? Nothing else existed for my friends except for their celebrity crush standing before them. I no longer mattered. I honestly believed they would have forgotten everything that we had been doing if not for the beeping microwave to bring us back to reality. Bee ruined it all by saying, “We were just about to watch one of your movies!”

I bit my lip and wished I could disappear. This was not information I had wanted him to know. “Oh really?” he asked Bee with his eyebrows raised. “Which one?”

I closed my eyes, not wanting to see him when he heard Bee respond, “Against the Wall.”

“Do you like that movie?” he asked Bee, but I didn’t have to open my eyes to know that question was really for me.

Then, the ever-blunt Naomi made things infinitely worse. “Honestly, we’re both a little sick of it, but it’s Elle’s all-time-favorite movie and she makes us watch it at least once a month.”

I squeezed my eyelids tighter, believing I could ignore everything that had just happened. It didn’t work. “Why are you here?” I asked quickly before this conversation could become even more embarrassing. The words came out more rude than I had intended and I immediately wished I could take them back.

His response was much more civil. “I was in Chicago for some promotional events and decided to come see you. It’s been a while, but if I’m interrupting…”

“No,” Bee said as I finally opened my eyes only to find him watching me.

Silence fell again and I knew everyone was waiting for me to speak. “Do-do you wa-want to come in?” I stuttered stepping away from the door, clearing some space for him to enter although all I really wanted to do was slam the door in his face and crawl into my bed. He might have sensed that, but Casey stepped past me anyway, brushing my side just like he had done countless times when I knew him. It had been so effortless that I wasn’t even sure if he did it consciously. I closed the door, closed my eyes and momentarily rested my head against the frame. This was going to be a long night.

Casey spent the next forty minutes in my apartment, but it felt like an eternity. Okay, that’s a bit of an exaggeration. Twelve years, at least. Naomi and Bee harassed him with questions - “Who is your favorite and least favorite celebrity?” “Any secrets you can tell us?” “What is it like to work with so-and-so?” “Is it true you’re dating Harper Jamison?” (he’s not and I was relieved to hear it) “What’s next?” “Can I be an extra?” etc.

Casey had an almost robotic answer for each of these questions as though he’d been asked these same things hundreds of times and had his answers memorized. He probably did, but he didn’t once seem annoyed or irritated by my friends or their questions. If anything, he seemed to actually enjoy their company, despite their fan-girling status. I really hoped he wasn’t acting.

For my part, I kept my mouth shut. I knew Naomi and Bee had forgotten about me as they continued on and on with questions and stories for Casey. Casey, on the other hand, never forgot about me. Before each response, and often multiple times during his answer, I would catch him looking at me, as though he was requesting permission to proceed. I always gave him a half-smile and he turned back to my friends with the response they were waiting for.

Eventually Casey looked at his watch and announced, “Well ladies, it’s getting late and I’ve got to drive back to Chicago tonight.” We all stood up when he did.

“I’ll walk you out,” I offered quietly. He nodded at me, accepting before Naomi and Bee began their good-byes.

“It’ s been so great to meet you,” one of them said.

“I can’t believe Elle never mentioned she knew you, all these times we’ve watched this movie,” said another. And their praises went on and on until Casey hugged them and escaped out the door I had been holding open.

“Sorry,” I muttered - the first words I had said to him since I invited him inside.

“No, your friends are…” I flinched, scared of the adjective he was about to use, “nice.”

I rolled my eyes. “That’s like saying Attila the Hun was nice.”

Casey chuckled. “You don’t know him, he might have been.”

Awkward silence.

The silence continued as we walked down the stairs. At the first landing, Casey turned to face me. “Is Against the Wall really your favorite movie?” he questioned with disgust rising in his voice. So we were going to do this here. Great.

I crossed my arms and focused my attention on a lovely brick in the corner of the wall. Anything to not look at him. Then I explained, “It reminds me of why I had to let you go. It’s a nice reminder. You’re really great in it, Casey. I always knew you would be.”

Turning slightly away from me, he leaned his back against the wall  - right into my line of vision. Now he closed his eyes, rested his head back against the brick, and stated, “That’s exactly why I hate that movie.”

I shifted my weight on my feet and began to fidget with my fingers. Time to ask the question I didn’t want answered. “Why did you really come here tonight, Casey? No one drives six hours round-trip to see someone else’s friends for less than an hour.”

He raised his head, opened his eyes and nodded. “Yeah, I came to give you something.” A quick push off the wall and he fished through his pocket, hiding the item in his fist. “You see, I was going to give this to you that night,” he emphasized those last two words and we both knew what night he referred to - the night we broke up. “But I never had the chance. Since then, it’s been staring at me, almost haunting me. I bought it for you, so it’s always been yours. And I got it when I didn’t have a penny to my name, so it means much more to me than anything I could possibly buy anyone now.

“I don’t care what you do with it. You can pawn it, sell it, throw it away or give it to one of your friends,” he motioned back to my apartment where Naomi and Bee undoubtedly waited for my return, “but it’s yours to do whatever you want with.” Then he opened his fist to reveal a small box. “Please don’t open it until I leave.”

Unable to speak, I nodded my agreement and he placed the box in my palm.

Once the box was in my hand, he took another step towards me, lifted my chin and said, “It was great seeing you again, Ellie.” Then he leaned forward and kissed my cheek, his lips light and tender against my skin.

Before I managed to say a word, he disappeared down the steps, out the door and into his car sitting on the curb. Through a window at the entrance, I watched him drive away before I opened the box.

I shrieked. Then I started to cry and almost dropped the thing. It was a ring, but not just any ring, it was an engagement ring. Three diamonds, white gold and the words ‘I will always love you’ carved on the inside. I stood there, staring at the ring before remembering my friends would eventually come looking for me. Especially if they heard my scream.

I wiped off my tears, shoved the box deep into my pocket and attempted to compose myself before returning to my friends.

They were waiting for me like paparazzi. “So we googled him and it turns out Casey’s real last name is Wajowski. Coincidentally, the same name as your college boyfriend. Now, spill.”

I sighed and fell into my couch. “Yes, I dated Casey. We met when I was going to school in L.A., but we broke up before this movie came out. I didn’t think I was ever going to see him again, so I’m sorry I didn’t tell you.” As I sat there, answering their random questions about Casey, I could feel the ring burning in my pocket. I stood up. “I’m sorry guys, but I think I’m going to need some space,” and I walked to my room before they could argue with me.

I sat on my bed, holding the box, just waiting to hear the door open and close, indicating my friends had left. When it was clear, I opened the box again, set it on my dresser and stared at it until I fell asleep.

For the next few days, I became a hermit and a bit of a stalker. Not only did I watch every single movie Casey ever starred in, but I read all the tabloids, interviews, fan-pages and the entirety of his wikipedia page. Multiple times. All while staring at his ring.

Slowly, I came out of it. I emerged from my room, left my building, saw my friends again, but the ring always waited for me.

Several weeks later, Naomi was back in my apartment for dinner. I was doing the dishes when my phone started ringing from my room. Without even thinking, I asked Naomi, “Can you get that for me?” She nodded and disappeared into my room. My phone kept ringing, but Naomi didn’t come back with it. “Who is it?”

When Naomi stepped back out into the kitchen, she was holding something, but it wasn’t my phone. “Oh crap.”

“What is this?” Naomi demanded. “And why do you have it?”

“Uh…”

“Casey gave this to you, didn’t he?” My lack of response was all she needed. “God, Elle, I knew something happened, but I didn’t think this,” she waved the box at me, “happened.”

Finally I stepped away from the sink and began drying off my hands. “It’s not what you think.”

“Not what I think?” Somehow her voice beamed with even more anger than before. “What I think is that you have an engagement ring sitting in your room from a man you used to date.”

Okay, it was exactly what she thought. Feebly, I tried to defend myself. “It’s not an engagement ring.” She opened her mouth to argue, but I stepped in before she could utter a sound. “I mean, it was an engagement ring. Three years ago. But today, today it’s just a ring I don’t know what to do with.”

Naomi pulled the ring out the box - something I hadn’t been able to do yet. “Now that one’s easy. You put the ring on,” she held it out to me, “and then go have lots of babies.”

I stood there, unable to move forward and take the ring from her hands. “We’ve moved on, Naomi. He doesn’t love me anymore.”

“You might want to tell him that because he’s obviously still in love with you.”

“No…” I started, but Naomi was in front of me, placing the ring in my hand.

“Then why did he drive up here to give it to you when he could have mailed it or even returned it after you broke up? And you were too busy freaking out to see how he watched you. God, he was aching for you and you gave him nothing.”

I had never seen her this mad before. She was pissed. She grabbed her jacket and made for the door. “You need to figure out how you feel because he’s made it abundantly clear how he feels, even if you were too ignorant to see it.” She started to leave, but paused and turned her head to add, “Just promise me one thing. When you marry him, take the name Butor. Elle Wajowski sounds awful.” Then with a sly grin, she left me alone with Casey’s ring in my hand.

I found my phone, but I would have to call my mom back later. Instead, I called his number, but heard a voice say, “The number you are trying to reach has been disconnected.”

Duh. Of course he had changed his number. Isn’t that what all famous people do? So I did the next best thing. I called his mother.

“Hello dear,” she answered on the third ring.

“Janet? It’s Ellie,” my voice quivered as the words came out.

“I know, honey. I still have your number programmed into my phone.” Oh, okay. Before I could explain why I was randomly calling, she guessed. “Did Case finally give you the ring?” I gasped - I tried not to. “About time. You wanna fight for him now?”

I nodded like an idiot before realizing she couldn’t see me. “I think so. Janet, does he still love me?”

A pause. “He never stopped, dear.” I stared down into the inscription on the ring - I will always love you.

“Can you give me his phone number?”

“No. I have a much better idea.”

And because I was desperate to see him again, I agreed to her outrageous idea.

Three days and 2,000 miles later, Janet dropped me off at the foot of this long red carpet where Casey’s new movie was about to play. Before I exited the car and attempted to maneuver the celebrities and cameras in my dress and shoes, she turned to me, grabbed my right hand with Casey’s ring on it and said, “You were always the one for him. More importantly, you were always the daughter I wanted.” Leaning forward, she pecked my cheek.

“Thank you,” I mumbled as I stepped out of the car and entered a foreign world of lights and cameras.

I almost bailed at least three times. This was not my scene, these were not my people and they seemed to know I didn’t belong. Yet I pushed myself down the carpet, desperately searching for him.

Finally I found him facing me, but talking to a reporter. He hadn’t seen me yet, but really, no one had really seen me. I looked down at his ring again and considered turning around and leaving him where he belonged. But when I looked up, he had found me. He seemed to have been in the middle of a word when he spotted me. I smiled, suddenly embarrassed and gave a quick wave thinking he might come talk to me when he finished.

Instead, he walked towards me, ignoring the reporter whose microphone extended trying to follow him, and stopped right in front of me as though he didn’t know how to greet me. Suddenly, the whole world realized I was there and began to blind me with flashes and shout questions I couldn’t hear.

“How did you get here?” he asked more out of curiosity than disapproval.

“Your mom’s not coming.”

Understanding flashed across his face. “Which is why she wanted to meet me here. Right. So why are you here?” he asked and I saw his eyes dart to my ring finger.

“I love you,” I blurted out, not really answering the question. I amazed myself at how easy the words were to say and how true they rang on my lips.

For a moment, I almost expected him to refuse me. Instead he said, “Ignore them, it’s only going to get worse.” I didn’t understand what he meant until his lips touched mine and he reached around my waist to pull me closer. Then the flashes became brighter and the questions became louder. I don’t know how he could ignore them.

He pulled away with a smile on his face and I blushed, conscious of all the people staring at me. “I love you so much, Ellie.”

I reached for the hand he held out for me, but instead of holding it, he took my hand and pulled the ring off my finger. “What are you doing?”

He smiled and put the ring in his pocket. “Someday I’ll give this back to you,” he whispered into my ear as he simultaneously laced his fingers through mine. I squeezed his hand and didn’t let go.

Seven months later, he put the ring on my finger again. A short six months after that, he added a band to it.

Photo Credit: Unsplash - Breno Machado