Those Pesky Opening Scenes: Part 1 - Hook the reader

Photo Credit: Death to the Stock Photo

So I’m not gonna lie – I haven’t been revising Arthur’s Lady as much as I should be. In fact, I’m probably only 40 pages in. If that.

Reflecting on these scenes has led me to think a lot about how vitally important they really are. After all, it’s these scenes that hook the reader.

Everyone knows that the first sentence is crucial. But that first paragraph needs to be great too. And so does that first chapter. And if the reader makes it past 35 pages, they’ll probably read the whole thing.

This is exactly where I am now. The make or break point. And it makes me wonder, is my story actually interesting enough to grab a reader? Will they even get this far or will they be bored/disinterested LONG before this point?

For the first draft that I wrote, the answer to that second question was YES. So boring.

It didn’t hook the reader at all. And it all started with my first line.

Originally, this was my opening sentence for Arthur’s Lady:

“It was an abnormally warm day for April. Thankfully a canopy of trees shaded the trail she was on, though it could not stop yesterday’s rain.”

I’ve read those lines so often, I have them memorized. And I see now how terrible they are.

Okay, so let me defend myself by saying I was (and still am) a novice and I didn’t realize how poor this beginning was until I started researching how other authors started their books.

Call me Ishmael (Moby Dick – Herman Melville)

It is a truth universally acknowledged, that a single man in possession of a good fortune, must be in want of a wife (Pride and Prejudice – Jane Austen)

Happy families are all alike; every unhappy family is unhappy in its own way (Anna Karenina – Leo Tolstoy)

In the town, there were two mutes and they were always together (The Heart is a Lonely Hunter – Carson McCullers)

Those are examples of great first lines. They’re interesting. They’re engaging. They make you want to read the next sentence.

Equally, there are ways to NOT start your novel.

Opening with weather is one of them. “It was a relatively warm day for April…”

And apparently, I’ve broken all of these rules.

Don’t start on an average day. Don’t start your novel with dialogue. Don’t start with someone waking up. Don’t start in a dream. The list goes on.

Well, lucky for me, when I decided to change the POV for this scene from the Lady of the Lake to Arthur, I needed to change this opening line too. After a lot of thought and some opinions from my readers, I changed my scene. And you know what, it’ll probably change again, but for the moment, this is how my story begins:

“The sight of blood first thing in the morning no longer bothered Arthur since he typically saw, if not tasted, his own blood at this early hour.”

Not perfect, but this is much better. It has you thinking – why does Arthur taste his own blood? What is he looking at that is bloody? Why does he spend his mornings looking at blood?

Okay, maybe it’s just me that thinks that’s fascinating. Or maybe I have a previously unknown obsession with blood? Perhaps.

This is all well and good except sometimes authors spend too much time focusing on that first sentence when really they need to be figuring out if that scene is really relevant at all. So not only do you need a good hook for an opening line, but you also need to make sure you’re starting your story in the right spot.

Most of the time, you won’t actually know this until you’ve already written the entire book. You’ll look back and see, oh, I can literally cut the entire first three chapters and it does nothing to change the actual PLOT of the story. Sure, maybe there’s some back story in there that’s important, but you’re a writer, you can weave that sucker into the rest of the book – no problem.

I had this exact issue for the last short story that I posted, Shifting Perspectives. Originally, I began the story too early. This is how it started (please forgive me, this is really terrible writing – you’ll also notice this is in first person which I also hate now):

“I first met Cooper five months ago a frat party. For a frat boy, he was strangely sober—I, on the other hand, was completely wasted and spent what I remember of that night, talking to him. I woke up the next morning on his floor with one of the worst hangovers ever and I was alone. Waking up, I realized that I was in love with this guy who was incredibly good looking and had taken care of me (at least I assume since I was on his floor) while I was drunk. He also left me a note, which I have kept ever since. It said, “Lydia, you should probably have someone pick you up. You look terrible J . Cooper.”

So I called Danielle, my roommate. While I waited for her to get me, I explored Cooper’s room, discovering the man I had fallen for. When his door opened, I expected Danielle to walk through, but it was Cooper. He smiled at me and said, “Good afternoon Lydia. You had a really good night.”

“Did you?” I asked, trying to sound sexy, which I imagine didn’t work very well considering I, as he put it, looked terrible.

“Yeah,” he replied. “You were hilarious. I am willing to be entertained by you anytime when you’re drunk.”

I wasn’t sure if this was a compliment or not. All I knew was that it officially gave me the invitation to see him again. “Okay,” I said seconds before a knock at the door.

Cooper opened it, and there’s Danielle, coming to drive me home.

Before I could introduce her to Cooper, they both in unison say, “Hey!”

“You’re in my psych class,” Cooper said without pausing. “Danielle right?”

“Yeah, and you’re Cooper Brinkley. How in the world did Lydia end up here?””

I didn’t actually need ANY of this for that story – if you’ve read it, you’ll understand why. However, writing this out benefited me as the author. After writing this, I knew how Lydia and Cooper had met. I knew how Lydia had roped Danielle into hooking her and Cooper up. And I understood the characters better before I finally cut this entire scene.

It just wasn’t where this story was meant to start. But I couldn’t see that until after I had written it.

By cutting this info, I pushed the reader right into the action. They immediately delved into the story without needing any of this background.

So as you consider your opening scene, first think about if you really need it. What purpose does it serve? Why did you choose to include it? If you cut it, would your plot be affected? If you cut it, could you weave anything you lost into other parts of the story? Does your story actually begin here?

There’s a reason you’re told not to start with your character’s average day. Sure, you could do a lot with that – describe the character, what they’re like, who their friends are, what they do for a living, etc., but this is all just background. It’s BORING. Instead, start on the day that forever changes your character’s life.

Instead of talking about how Jeff plays basketball every week with his friends, start with how his basketball buddies introduced him to a gambling addiction that ruined his life.

Or, you know, maybe something more upbeat?

I think I have Arthur’s Lady in the right spot. But it could all change in my next re-write. And I’m okay with that.

So find the perfect spot to start your story. Once you have that, entice the reader with that engaging, thought-provoking opening line. And remember, you can (and probably will) always change it later!